It seems to be happening for so many of our ladies who are in the middle of their IVF preparation right now. Just when things seem to be trucking on smoothly, and everything is more or less going to plan, sudden unexpected obstacles are popping up and throwing even more uncertainty into the mix than usual.
There is nothing quite like it for letting the fear demons loose and driving them into a crazy full-on rampage mode.
And boy oh boy, can they ever rampage!
They seem to wriggle right deep down into the pit of your stomach, hollowing you out, and leave you feeling like ‘Who am I to even TRY this?’.
Leave you questioning ‘If this the universe’s way of telling you the worst?’
And wondering ‘Why does it always have to be so hard?’
Waking you in the night, tossing and turning, and doubting every move.
Hijacking your every thought with a gazillion worries and niggles and ‘what if’s’ until it’s hard to think clearly at all.
And worst of all, IVF seems to bring them out in the BUCKETLOADS. Just when you think you’ve beaten one, another pops up to take it’s place.
SO…I’ve come to the conclusion that the only answer is a little ninja warrior training for IVF preparation!
These pesky demons seem to know all our weakest spots, what hurts the most and all the deepest, darkest places where we hide our shame and our greatest fears. They fling open wide all the drawers where we’ve tucked those worries away and bring us smack dab up close and personal with the stuff of our nightmares.
And becoming an IVF Ninja Warrior…?
More than anything, and no matter what happens, it’s about helping you to remember how badass you REALLY are!
Ninja Warrior Training
Step 1 : You’ve got this.
Protecting your belief in yourself is #1.
Even when it all feels like it’s unravelling.
Even when you feel so exposed, vulnerable and helpless, like the whole world gets to see your pain, your broken parts and your shame.
Even when you know your preparation is good, but you’re left doubting everything about yourself.
Even when you’re doing your best to listen to your instinct and the whispers of your heart, but your mind is busy yelling over the top of it all the reasons why you should give up RIGHT now.
Even when the ‘what if’s…’ go into galactic overdrive. Seriously, whole new dimensions!
Even when you’re feeling lonely but haven’t got the energy to reach out to friends and family because it’s taking up every bit of courage and strength to just keep going.
Even then, my lovelies.
You’ve got this.
You are RISING STRONG as Brene Brown would say.
You are so much more than it is ever possible for you to see or to realise at the time.
Step 2 : Your courage is monumental.
Remembering how brave and strong you are is #2.
Having been lucky enough to work with so many of you gorgeous ladies during your IVF preparation, we know this without a shadow of a doubt…
Your courage is off the charts.
Your commitment to the little one that is calling you is total.
This is big love, my darlings.
It’s a love that says, ‘Yes it’s bat-shit scary’. ‘Yes, I feel open and exposed and vulnerable. But this calling in my soul is so strong, no matter how much the fear demons rage, I need to do this. Scary as it is, I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do right now. And yes there are obstacles, yes it might change, or it might look different at some point, but for right now, this is the next step’.
Even if you need to go in with one eye open, or feeling like your whole heart can’t quite be fully engaged with it.
Even when it’s just a bit too huge to wrap your head around.
Even when you’re equal parts terrified and excited.
Even when you have to stop and start again.
Even when you feel like you are just going through the motions.
Even when there is only a tiny flicker of HOPE every now and again that maybe, just maybe, this could work.
You’re still there, my lovelies. Your heart is still in it 100%.
There is just a natural protective part of you that wraps itself around you to keep you safe. That softens your focus, and helps you to approach each step of the way without being de-railed.
You can rest assured. Everything is as it needs to be.
Step 3 : It’s ok to feel it all.
Knowing that this is all part of the ride and you’re not alone is #3.
You can breathe. Every part of you is welcome here, all the unsure, frantic, bits of us.
What I wish everyone else who isn’t going through this could understand, is that You, my lovelies, are on an epic heroine’s journey. A sacred quest.
The ride can get a little wild in places and your fears will be keeping you company every step of the way, but that’s ok. They get to be. They are part of what you’ve been through and they are doing everything they can to look after you.
Those crazy demons? Believe it or not, they’re actually protection of the highest order. As Lucy says, it’s your head and heart doing a little feng shui on you, to burn off everything that’s no longer needed.
It’s ok to feel it all.
You have everything you need within you and so much more.
You CAN do this.
And if those moments come when it gets a little too much,
…when you need that safe port in the storm,
…you need to dust off your bravest self and help her find her way back in to the drivers seat.
…or you need to know that you’re not a crazy woman, that this is normal, and that the fog will lift.
Or if you ever need it, The IVF Preparation Kit, has you covered.
“It all just feels incredibly supportive and safe.” Michelle
- The physical prep to help reassure you that you have everything you need all taken care of.
- The emotional prep to soothe the demons when they launch their rampage.
- The meditations to bring you back to yourself, your body and your heart.
With SO much love and our very best wishes for your IVF.
Cath and Lucy x