What an array of emotions we feel during this bizarre chain of events. I might add that most of them are not nice to experience – bitter disappointment, frustration, utter confusion, dismay, anger, to name but a few…. I often wonder about why this happens and how that can be understood.
In 5 years of working with women trying to conceive I can tell you what I know and what I feel. First off – you ladies, you are always lovely. Always always always, without exception. You have the best relationships I have ever seen and have wisdom and depth that many other women just do not have. So in my woo woo language that means you are an evolved soul. You have been around a bit and basically are going through this as a challenge of some kind.
Not a consolation yet I know, but bear with me!
You are a powerful being. You have an awful lot of wonderful potential inside you even when you are on the floor in pieces you come up stronger.
Again – not a consolation but please keep reading…
We can’t know it all, we can never understand the whole picture or there would be no point in us experiencing life. I do believe that we all have our own paths and our own lessons to learn, and our souls experience many different lives and challenges to enable us to reach our full empowered and abundant potentials. I am not saying it’s fair, but that just seems to be how it is. Many women ask me, why does the woman down the street who shoots up heroin and smokes cigarettes get pregnant and not me? Why does that man father 8 children he doesn’t care for yet my husband has no sperm and is desperate to father a child.
My answer is that they are on their own paths, they have their own goals and needs which are fulfilled and guided in different ways. The soul who is the child of the drug addict may have agreed to come in order to help give the woman a sense of something she could truly feel passionate about. A reason to value herself, to get herself well again. The man who fathers 8 children but cares for none of them will be learning about compassion and responsibility. He will soon understand the impact of the pain he causes and will be given help along the way to make changes, maybe this life time, maybe in another.
We are all growing. We are all working towards learning how to allow ourselves to have everything we truly want and desire.
We all have huge passions and goals and they are all very different. This is why we find it so hard to relate to others in such extreme situations. For the 16 year old has no burning desire to have a child – her in depth feelings and needs are totally off that topic, but it may be the unplanned pregnancy that helps her steer towards her ultimate goal.
Your big dream is to have your child come to you. It burns deep inside you like a constant fire that never goes out.. Despite what is thrown at you the fire continues to burn strong and fuel all the efforts and endeavors that you make.
So why you?
I wish the journey of life wasn’t so painful at times, that the challenges we over come weren’t so impossible and all consuming. You are evolved, you are learning, you are growing and you are guided to do what needs to be done. Every experience you have is part of that jigsaw, and if you keep heading towards what your heart asks you to then you will find a peaceful and loving outcome.
I have witnessed the progression of so many women, seen how their time with infertility has changed them. Sometimes during that time they feel it has changed them for the worse, that they are becoming bitter, dark and trapped in a hole. Yes it can feel like that often, but it does clear. As you begin to accept that for this time in your life there are dark days, black days, days of hope and days of answers. You must ride each one as they come. For many of my ladies I can see how they have come out the other side of that, their souls have evolved to a point where they are now ready to receive their children, and they are different, better mums as a result. Not because they care more, not because they have had time to study and think about approaches to parenthood. But because their experiences have helped them let go of parts of themselves that would not serve them well during motherhood.
There are many extremes and examples of this, one theme that is common in my work is control and perfectionism. Women usually doing so well at things, wanting things to be perfect always. Often berating themselves over everything they do if it isn’t up to scratch. Setting standards so high in the ether that even they don’t know what they are aiming for. Imagine motherhood with that still in place! How hard they would find it when their children didn’t do exactly what they wanted, hoped and planned for them. For many this would begin from the tiniest detail and give them an anxiety filled awful experience.
Infertility forces a new path with these women. Forces them to surrender to let go, to give love and care to their bodies and support rather than an unspoken cord of anger linked to the reproductive system that is letting them down. Supporting themselves in a way that they will need to support their children. Treating their bodies like their children to be – with respect, and unconditional love regardless of what they need or who they are, and being able to be flexible and lovingly give what their bodies need to receive.
For these women and for many others,I suspect that they are chosen. Chosen to be parents of highly evolved children, special children. These can come in all sorts of ways… they come to parents who have had to learn patience, solidarity, the ability to find strength to carry on, the means to be creative with making opportunities. These children have an impact to make on the world and they need their parents to be able to support them in that. The parents of children who they have struggled to conceive create a bond with their babies before they are conceived. It gives them an understanding and compassion for their children that goes way beyond the usual and phenomenal mother-baby link. Many of these women have children already who they conceived easily but they will find that during the experience of planting the seeds for a new child has begun to create an extra link to their existing child – an understanding and relationship with them that wasn’t as string before.
This is essential for these evolved souls who are coming through now – they need their parents to lovingly understand and assist them, and be strong enough to give them what they need, always and without judgement.
I don’t know personally what the outcome is for each and every person, I don’t know what is intended for you as an individual but I totally hold out that there are special children and special parents. If your child wants you to grow – if you are on a path to exceed your wildest expectations then by God will you have to fight for these children. There are people out there destined to have babies in all many ways – is it natural? IVF? Surrogacy? Adoption? Getting to the destination will feel horrific and torturous at times, but you will be sent some peace and you will be sent some answers.
Continue to ask and invite. Keep asking for help, keep telling your child you want them and will do what they need to create that bridge. Look out for signs – in your dreams or a white feather in your path, a butterfly catching your eye. An article that touches you, and advert you feel compelled to answer. Follow your heart always and it will lead you where you are meant to be.
I know a lot of women and a lot of babies. I know a lot of children. I mean A LOT of children. Now don’t get me wrong, all children are divine and wonderful beings, but the children of couples who have either fought for them or are fighting to have their subsequent children are just different. They have an air of magic they have brought to their families. I see this not only in the children themselves but also in their parents.
If it is you asking ‘why me?’ I can only say, it is not the intent that you suffer or that this pain continues to be with you. Keep affirming that you deserve and want to obtain what your heart keeps telling you it wants. Remember that one day it will all make sense. Ask in your mind for guidance and support and you will get it, possibly in ways you weren’t expecting.
You aren’t being punished I promise. You are at a high level and are being asked to push yourself to your limits to show what you are capable of. Not as a test. Not because God is up there, nestled in an armchair, sucking on a pipe watching the drama unfold as some kind of entertainment. You are only ever proving yourself to you. Your circumstances may well feel so unfair and so dismal, but your path is coming to a fruitful conclusion, and your life will take a much lighter direction as a result. Your life will never be the same again – and that will feel glorious, shining, blissful, incredible! This is opening your eyes in a way that many others never will have the privilege to experience. The process of opening hurts I know, but hang in there. Ride the wave, keep asking for help and do nothing but love yourself and listen to the whispers of your own heart.